When the Holidays Don’t Feel So Merry: Coping with Disappointments

The holidays are often portrayed as a season of joy and celebration. But the reality for many of us? Sometimes, the holidays bring heartache, unmet expectations, or even grief. Maybe the family dinner you envisioned didn’t go as planned. Perhaps the gifts under the tree left you feeling overlooked, or worse, your boyfriend ended the relationship you thought was going to last forever. For some, the season is marked by the absence of a loved one who’s no longer here—a void that feels especially deep during this time of year.

If you’ve found yourself struggling to embrace the holiday spirit, know this: You’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel the way you do. 

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

First things first: Let yourself feel the disappointment, sadness, or frustration without judgment. It’s tempting to push those emotions aside and put on a brave face, but acknowledging how you feel is the first step toward healing. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or feeling let down by unmet expectations, your emotions are valid.

2. Redefine Your Expectations

Holiday movies and picture-perfect social media posts can make us feel like we’re falling short if our holidays aren’t magical. But those depictions are rarely realistic and comparison is the thief of joy. Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you this season. Is it spending quality time with loved ones? Finding moments of peace? Giving back to your community? Shift your focus to what aligns with your values rather than external pressures.

3. Create New Traditions

If old traditions bring more pain than joy, consider creating new ones that feel meaningful and healing. Maybe it’s baking cookies with your kids, taking a solo trip to reconnect with yourself, or volunteering at a local shelter. New traditions can offer a fresh perspective and help you reclaim the holiday season on your terms.

4. Lean on Your Support System

You don’t have to navigate the holidays alone. Reach out to trusted friends or family members to share your feelings—sometimes, simply talking about your disappointments can lighten the load. If you’re struggling to cope, consider connecting with a therapist or counselor who can provide the tools and support you need to move forward. Additionally, it’s okay to set boundaries with those who drain your energy or fail to support your well-being. 

5. Honor Your Grief

If you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, give yourself space to grieve. Light a candle in their memory, share stories about them with family, or participate in an activity they loved. Finding ways to honor their legacy can be both comforting and healing.

Moving Forward, One Step at a Time

The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. They don’t have to look like they do on Instagram or in movies. They can be messy, emotional, and still hold moments of hope. By giving yourself grace, redefining what the holidays mean to you, and finding support where you need it, you can move through the season in a way that feels authentic and healing.

At Z Family Law, we believe in new beginnings—even during the hardest times. If you’re navigating a life transition, whether it’s a divorce, a custody arrangement, or the loss of a loved one, we’re here to help you find your way forward. The holidays may not feel merry this year, but they can still be a time of growth and reflection.

From all of us at Z Family Law, we wish you moments of peace and comfort this holiday season. And if you need support, know that we’re just a phone call away at (301) 781-6683.