The holidays can be an exciting and joyous time for many, but for others, feelings of dread and loneliness creep in instead. For many of us, it’s a bit of both, but the “Bah Humbugs” can be especially acute if this is your first season after a divorce (or separation). If you’re feeling like Scrooge this year, read on for a few tips to help you thrive during the holidays, or at least make it through unscathed.
Whether with yourself, your kids, your friends, or family members, traditions are a treasured part of the holidays for many. If you’re celebrating solo, or if things just look different than they did in previous years, consider selecting a new, intentional tradition (or a few) to make the holidays feel special for years to come. Maybe this looks like treating yourself to a small gift each night of Hanukkah, buying matching pajamas for you and your kids to wear on Christmas morning, or revisiting a nostalgic family tradition from your childhood. Either way, establishing new traditions can help you feel more in control, and foster optimism about holidays to come.
Alone time doesn’t have to be lonely! Take yourself out to enjoy the many fun and festive events this time of year. Sparkling lights and snowy scenes (even if it’s just fake snow) are sure to fill you with warm, cozy sentiments, whether you’re celebrating solo or not. In the DMV, check out these holiday happenings for inspiration:
If the holidays are painful for you, shifting your focus may help distract you from your own feelings. Check in with your elderly neighbor and drop off some cookies, invite your friend who lives across the country from her family over for coffee or a holiday meal. Alternatively, consider volunteering at a food bank, an animal shelter, or other nonprofit organization. Giving back feels good year round, but it can be especially meaningful during the holiday season, and may remind you of what you have to be grateful for.
For many, the holidays can bring up intense feelings of grief - for loved ones (or those you once loved), or for a version of your life that you’re no longer living. It’s okay to wallow if you need to, or to opt out of the cheer everyone else seems to be experiencing. Sometimes, just surviving the holidays is the best you can do, and that’s more than enough. Don’t put pressure on yourself to fake it if you feel more like the Grinch than Cindy Lou Who. Process your feelings if you can, whether that’s by writing them down in a journal, or talking to a professional, and remember: this, too, shall pass.
It’s generally not helpful to dwell on the past, but it can be easy to forget the bad things when you’re feeling down and to start pining for the life you once had. Instead, think of the burdens you don’t have to carry anymore. Did your partner always get all the credit for the perfect gifts you spent hours brainstorming, buying, and wrapping? This year, the credit is all yours for the taking. If you hated Christmas dinner with your ex-spouse’s family, savor the peace and quiet of chowing down on Chinese food on the couch. Perhaps you searched every store at the mall for the perfect holiday gift(s) for them, and you always ended up with socks? Spend all that time and money on yourself! Maybe the holidays usually stirred up a lot of stress and triggered fights between you and your ex, but this year, you’re enjoying more silent nights. Thinking about the things you don’t miss keeps the focus on the best parts of your new beginning.
If you recently emerged from an unhappy, toxic, or even abusive marriage, this may not be the easiest season of your life, but remember that this is an opportunity to take control of your life and write your next chapter. And if you’re thinking about divorce, but haven’t yet taken the first step, consider what you want the holidays to look like next year - would you rather spend time having the same pointless arguments, or do you want to make your own magic? When you’re ready to create your new beginning, give us a call at (301) 388-5528.