Divorce and parental separation is tough for all members of a family, but it can be extra hard on young children who may not completely understand what’s happening and/or may lack the coping skills to easily adjust to a big change in their lives. The good news is that in our experience, divorce can be an opportunity for positive change, and research shows that most children adjust well to parental separation in the long term. Children of divorce often develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with each of their parents, and may show better resiliency and self-sufficiency.
Unfortunately, none of these things make it any easier to break the news or have tough conversations with your kiddo(s). One way to smooth the transition and help kids understand what’s happening is by reading books about divorce with your children. Kids of all ages can relate to characters in books and reading about experiences like their own can help them come to terms with big life changes. We’ve gathered our favorite books about divorce and change for young readers to help you and your child conquer the new chapter.
This book is great for readers from preschool to second grade who are or will soon be sharing time between two homes. With fun interactive flaps, and colorful illustrations, it celebrates the differences between mommy’s house and daddy’s house, and concludes with the message that both parents love the child very much. This book doesn’t use the word divorce or explore the reasons the main character splits her time between two houses, so it’s great for families in all kinds of different circumstances.
Dinosaurs Divorce is a classic! Published over three decades ago, this book is geared towards readers aged preschool through third grade and is just as relevant to today’s kids as it was then. This comprehensive guide addresses some of the reasons families may reorganize, helps readers explore and learn to cope with their feelings, and explains things like living in two homes, telling others about divorce, meeting parents’ new friends and stepparents, and even having step siblings.
The Rabbit Listened is not a book specifically about divorce, but about how a character, Taylor, learns different ways of coping with heartache after something sad happens. Taylor meets a host of different animals who each suggest a different way to cope, but none feels quite right until the rabbit shows up and just listens to how Taylor is feeling. With adorable illustrations and a poignant message, The Rabbit Listened is a great book to help young children (the book is targeted to kids aged 2-6 years) learn about processing their emotions, especially in the wake of a sad or difficult event or transition.
Families, Families, Families is geared towards kids ages 2-5 years. A large format book with fun drawings of different families of animals, this book shows children that families come in all shapes and sizes, and that at the end of the day, a family is defined simply by the love they have for one anotehr. This book can be a gateway to starting a tough conversation about how your child’s family will look after a reorganization such as a separation or divorce, and help your child understand why other peoples’ families may look different than their own.
The Invisible String is a short book, most appropriate for ages 3-7 years, that can help guide children when they are feeling alone or are away from a family member or loved one. The book follows a mother and her twin children, who are awoken one night by a scary storm. The kids seek comfort in the presence of their mother, who is in another room, so she tells them about the “invisible string” that connects them to anyone and everyone they love, reminding them that they are never truly alone. This message can be helpful to children who will soon split their time between homes, and who may feel homesick or lonely when away from one parent or other family members.
This book is a must-have for children aged 4-8 whose parents are going through a divorce or separation. The main character lives with her mom half of the time, and the other half of the time, she lives at her dad’s, but she has a little dog named Fred who comes with her to both homes, where he stirs up trouble, until eventually, her parents get frustrated with Fred’s mischievous behavior and consider whether Fred should go to a new home. The little girl is adamant that Fred stays with her, and so, in the end, the parents devise solutions to fix the problems that Fred has been causing at each home, and he gets to stay with his beloved little girl. Fred Stays With Me is a poignant story about conflict resolution, navigating change, and coping with divorce.
My Family is Changing is a workbook for kids aged 5-7 going through a family reorganization. Written by a licensed certified social worker and psychotherapist, the book guides kids through processing their feelings, from identifying things that bring them comfort, to naming their feelings, and thinking through the positives and negatives of change. Activities are interwoven with seven stories about families going through or living life after divorce to help kids feel less alone. This workbook is a great tool to start conversations and help your children find their new normal in the midst of a big life change.
When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends is part of the Let’s Talk About! series of books, which encourages kids to explore their feelings and talk openly about hard topics. Written for kids ages 4 to 7 years, the key message of this book is that when parents separate or divorce, it’s never the child(ren)’s fault, and both parents still love them just as much. This book is a great starting point for explaining what’s happening and addressing feelings of self-blame and confusion in the midst of a divorce.
Parenting is hard enough, but trying to help your kids through an emotionally challenging divorce while dealing with the fall out yourself can sometimes feel like an impossible task. Remember that you don’t have to do it alone, and there are a wealth of resources to help you and your kids through this. For more book recommendations, consult your local librarian. And, for more specific advice on talking to your children about your divorce or separation, consider engaging a child psychologist or therapist who can give you age-appropriate guidance on helping your child cope in your exact circumstances. For compassionate counsel to help you create your new beginning, contact Z Family Law at (301) 388-5528.