It seems like just yesterday we were getting ready for summer vacation, planning family trips, and packing for camp, but suddenly, the first day of school is upon us!
For some families, heading back to school, with its structure and routine, comes as a relief. For others, the end of summer fun is a less welcome time of year, especially for kiddos who are heading to a new school, or just getting used to a new family custody schedule. However you feel about this time of year, we have some tips to help you not only survive the school year chaos, but to thrive!
Effective co-parenting requires a lot of organization and logistical coordination between both parents. The struggle to get, and stay on, the same page regarding school schedules, extracurricular activities, parent-teacher conferences, project deadlines, and other events, can be a challenge for married and divorced co-parents alike. Juggling the family calendar, your own schedule, and that of your co-parent is a lot, and it’s easy for things to fall through the cracks. To avoid missed soccer games or PTA meetings, and panicked last-minute science projects, use a shared calendar. Google Calendar is probably the most common, but there are also plenty of great coparenting apps that include a calendar component. Keep in mind, however, that a shared calendar is only as good as the events you put on it, so make sure to keep it up to date when new events come up, or if things get canceled or postponed.
A shared calendar is essential for co-parents, but it’s also important for school age children. Knowing what’s happening when can reduce anxiety for all members of the family, prevent tantrums and arguments, and keep everyone coordinated. If your child regularly spends time in two different homes, make sure each home has a copy of the calendar. For young children, especially those who are just learning to read a calendar, having the exact same one in both homes can be extra helpful. And, as best as you can, keep your child(ren)’s house rules and weekday routines the same in each home to minimize confusion and disruption.
If you share custody, your child(ren)’s teachers and school administrators may see your kid nearly as much as you do, so they’re a reliable source to help you monitor your child’s mental and physical well-being. Tell your child(ren)’s teachers at the beginning of the school year what your living arrangements are, and keep them updated if/when there are any big transitions coming, so they can keep an eye out for behavioral changes or other problems. Teachers have a lot on their plates, so don’t harass them, but be responsive if they need things from you, and build a positive relationship so they’ll feel comfortable raising issues with you if and when they see them. Attending parent-teacher conferences will keep you in the loop as well, and if possible, both parents should come along.
When you find yourself at your child(ren)’s events alongside your co-parent, it can be hard to maintain your composure if you don’t have the best relationship with your ex (or their new significant other!), but remember that your child is the most important thing, and especially at school events, other people are watching. Don’t embarrass your kid or feed into school gossip by getting into public arguments or fighting in the hallways. If you can’t keep it civil, then separate yourselves at events, or alternate attendance so your child still knows both parents will show up to support them, even if not together.
Finally, the most important thing you can do for your child(ren) during the school year is be present. Show up to school events, but also, sit down with your kids to help them with their homework in the evenings, ask them about what they’re learning in school, and about their friends, and finally, how they’re feeling. It can be easy to get wrapped up in other things, especially in the midst of chaotic school and custody schedules, but at the end of the day, the best way to help your child through a divorce, changing custody situation, or other big family transition, is by being an involved and nurturing parent first and foremost.
For many districts, this will be the first “normal” school year in over two years, without mask requirements, hybrid models, and other pandemic-related changes, and kids deserve to have a great year full of learning and laughter. We hope you have a great first day of school and a smooth transition back to school routines!
If you need compassionate counsel to help you create a new beginning for your family, contact us at (301) 388-5528.